Is There Always Something More…

Tags

Blues, Coffee, Emotions, Family, Friends, Home, Ideas, January, January Blues, Learning, Life, Love, Something, Thoughts

Coffee ~ Café Solo

Word ~ Pensive

 

It seems as though every time people fall under the weather gloom seems like a natural companion. Why is it that when we are sick, we inevitably fall into a sinkhole of sadness? They always say that you shouldn’t feel bad for yourself, that you need to change your perspective, your setting, what you are wearing, but after trying all of those fruitless options, I still feel sad. It seems so silly, so borderline pathetic to feel so down and out, but i can’t help but feel this way. It’s dark inside the house and it’s dark outside and it seems as though I have wasted the whole day at home, sick. But behind the gloom and overdramatic doom, when you are sick, you do gain some clarity. You start thinking about life, what you did the day before, what’s left to do for the day ahead and you maybe, at least speaking for myself, think about all the people in your current, present day life. You think of your three loves, your friends, your family and your love. Those three aspects of your life, coinciding day in and day out, fill your life with the all the things life is supposed to be made of, or so the media and your elders seem to say so. But what if after having all those things, your amazing family, your great friends, and your beautiful love, you suddenly find yourself wanting more? Something more, something new, just something, but what? I recently considered writing a post about the so-called “January Blues”. I always dreaded the month January for its insipid effect, its either bad luck city or just plain down and out blues. Many speculate the blame landing on the sudden termination of the holiday season as the culprit responsible for causing these first month sorrows, but there must be more. What if its us that are the causes of this blue phenomenon? Every time we get get sad, whether its because of the receding daylight, our sicknesses or from some mysterious one month a year occurrence, what if the sadness we feel is just a facade for a feeling of desire we are expressing from deep within? A ludicrous notion or is there some truth there? What if no matter how many perfectly in place things we have in our life, we still crave something more as human nature always entails? So, what if our sadness is actually a want for something more. Its just an interesting food for thought. What is something more, when you already have all?

 

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Inspired to Reflect Again

Tags

A New Chapter, adulthood, age, air, Appearance, Blog, Captain Corelli's Mandolin, change, Coffee, Decisions, eyes, Fantasy vs. Reality, god, Growing, growth, Heart, Holidays, Imagination, Inspired, Learning, Lessons, Life, Life Lessons, Love, Love Poem, mind, Moments, Night, perception, Poetry, Red Wine, Shall We Dance, Special Someone, Trust, Wine

Coffee ~ French Vanilla Bean

Word ~ Ardent

Hello and Good Evening, this one is but simple, reflect and think, envision and connect, this ones for you.

“Red Wine”

Until recently I felt as though the poetic tongue has left my diction forever

Just a distant memory, no more applicable, no motivation to be clever

But you have come into my life so purely, so gently

You, with the most genuine touch have honestly inspired me so permanently

What good, heavenly, supernaturally, brought you to me?

I have come to the point where you are all that I can see

Between your feel, your taste, to even just a simple glance

Makes me instantaneously jump, giving me the rush to take any chance

To take a chance at something that is rare, something undefined

With you, the undefined becomes defined and I see my future realigned

A premonition of a good, a good routed in the love we share

You take my hand, you help me see, give me the strength to dare

Help me place faith in the previously unpredictable, but with you so clear

From just a look into those honey chocolate brown eyes

Doth me completely and entirely hypnotize

For once I can surely say my heart is safe from being harmed

Nestled warmly in your hands, it can beat unalarmed

Knowing that if I walk I’ll always have your hand in mine

A returned smile, a reciprocated glance, a partner to cling with, my glass of red wine

Where Do We Draw The Line?

Tags

A New Chapter, adulthood, age, Appearance, Back on track, Blog, change, Coffee, Decisions, Fantasy vs. Reality, Growing, growth, Heart, history, Imagination, Learning, Lessons, Life, Life Lessons, Maturity, Moments, Reflection, Time

Coffee ~ A Simple Iced Coffee

Word ~ Replenished

Good Evening Everyone,

It has been some time, a few updates and some minor fixes and now at last I am happy to say that the blog is back on track.

 

This evening, I want to share with you a piece I wrote a few months ago. The subject of the piece or of whom it regarded is irrelevant, it was in the context of the time, but regardless, the thought behind it, I believe, is quite strong. As you read it, reflect on it and pose yourselves the question, have you ever imagined something, anything, which turned out to, in fact, be nothing? It is sad, but most of the time, we as human beings continue imagining even though we already know it is but nothing at all. How do we know when to draw the line?

“That Something That Wasn’t”

Please don’t look at me with those piercing eyes

They’re bleeding tears that could even make sorrow itself cry

We always knew that it would never be as the dreams foretold

It would never be us two, together, forever against the world

My love, why do you cry before me, eyes so red, so deeply distressed?

Give me a smile, your smile, the last smile

Leave me drenched in your essence, inebriated from the love I feel for you

Kiss me; kiss me as if today was your last day for tomorrow I will no longer be here

Look at me, look at me the way you always did and drown me in longing for your touch

Then let me go, release my hand and let me go and alas end everything that wasn’t

After all, you were always my everything and truly, I was your nothing

Absent ruse, please do tell me my love, if I am at all mistaken

In blood, in blood, in blood, imprisoned in a pool of blood escaping from a broken heart

Pease don’t cry, I will be okay, yes, I will be okay

I will still laugh, I will smile, sing, dance, fall and never see the light again, no, I will be okay

Eventually, my tears will change their temperature from a passion filled warm to a stoic, lifeless cold

Please don’t be sad, please show me some hope to remind me of the hope I hold for something that will never be

For I will always love you and you, never truly me

So let me go, lets say our goodbyes and close the door on that useless hope that still lingers

Pull the plug; pull it fast, the plug that’s kept my heart still beating for that something that in the end, wasn’t

Sometimes, although painful and challenging, we should just open our eyes and draw it. The sun will rise again tomorrow and we must understand that today, in fact, does have an end and tomorrow is a brand new day.

Goodnight

Like Father Like Son

Tags

air, change, god, growth, Learning, Life, Love, mind, Moments, moon, Reflections, sky, stars, sun, thankful, the world, Thoughts, wind, words, words to live by

Coffee ~ Mocaccino

Word ~ Revelry

Today I am enlightened, toughed and humbled by something my father wrote. I feel so thankful and honored to have someone like my father in my life. Words so true and so impactful, let me know what you think…

Getting Older

With each day I realize the older I get, the more I look back. I know there are those moments in life where we all tend to reflect and look back. I think of the many people who walked in and out of my life, there must have been a reason for it. Looking back, I have also realized that I’ve learned a great deal about those people as well as myself, we all do stupid things, some of them, I have no idea what I or they were thinking, but I have no remorse in my heart, I don’t know if some of those things are forgivable or just forgotten? But there are those little things in your heart I know we all wish we can change. There are those moments in life where people or something has made an impact on us and we can’t see till sometime later there greater importance or know if it was for the best. I know in my heart I hold dearly many things I cant speak about. Those soft unspoken words you wish you can whisper, but instead fall silent in their intended proliferation.

I can’t change what already has happen in my life for its already written in stone. I have no regrets, I’ve learned forgiveness, which in itself is not an easy task, but I’ve done it. I look up to the sky as I sit in the harbor bay and smile. I thank god that I have yet another day to see the light, another day to cringe my mouth to form a smile and another chance to expand my lungs so I can breath the surrounding fresh air. Remember to take always take a moment alone and just breath. I don’t know where my destiny may lye, but I have FAITH and only time will tell where that may lead me. I leave that to god. I leave that to my loved ones. I leave that to hope, love and everything in between. Live with love in your heart, breath the air you have, smile because you have another day to see light and rejoice with out prejudice in your voice. Thank god for each and everyday he gave your heart a chance to beat harder. Look at the moon and the starry night and don’t try to figure what tomorrow may bring, but be thankful for what you did today.

I am so thankful to have the chance to read and share this.

Thank you Dad

Cheers!

The Old and The New

Tags

adulthood, age, boyhood, bus, change, eyes, history, Learning, Life, new jersey, new york, new you, old you, perception, Quotes, rat race, transformation, travel

Coffee ~ Espresso Macchiato

Word ~ Presumptuous

It is always interesting to think of the effects time has on us. Time comes, time goes, it sits deathly still and sometimes it soars. What happens once, happens twice and you eventually come to realize that nothing in life truly happens once? Like the saying goes, “its your once in a lifetime chance,” I rather disagree. Take a step back and look at the broader picture, “Change your perspective to change your perception,” and you will see that nothing in life truly happens only once. Interesting right?

The world’s leading historians stand by the principle, “History repeats itself.” We do not need to look far to prove such a saying because history, or anything that has happened in your or the past repeats itself all the time. Take my current situation
as a point.

About two years ago I could never imagine myself coming back to where I was raised and rekindling the many facets of my old self. I made an oath that I would never revisit what I came to call my old self. I would never allow myself to feel and see through the emotions and eyes of the old me. However today, as I travel to a place far too familiar, something had changed. As i sit here on this soft, cloth cover seat, surrounded on all sides, by such rat race engulfed, thought bombarded people, on this bus, making its way on a route it has made for the last twenty years, I have re-met and reacquired my old self, whom I perceived, for almost two years now, to be dead.

Personally, I have always been fascinated by the affect time has on me especially. There are days where i feel that i have spent to much time not being truly happy and then there are those times when I feel that nothing I do can go wrong. Ive grown so old in mind and spirit from all of the experiences I’ve thus far surpassed and to be honest I am truly happy I did. Ive gotten to see the world absent any rose-colored lens, life real and undistorted. With the maturity of senescence and the eyes of a young man, life appears far different to me now then it has years ago. I’ve come to understand that though you may not like the person you were or more specifically the life you were leading, you can never truly abandon that. Its not to say that you will never change or will be stuck experiencing all that came with your old life, but rather, that person you were and the life you had, will always be a part of you for the rest of your existence. Like me, you can vow to all and defy everyone and say that you will never be any aspect of that old self, but let me pose this, is it not from your old self in which your new self was born from? Not from the experiences and challenges faced by your old self and the multitude of perceptions your old self has acquired throughout the course of your old self’s life? I surrender and accept that the old me I wished to have abandoned, have today reacquainted with and honestly, I have never been more happy to have done so.

Today, as I head toward the great Empire City to see a dear one, I have come back into the fibers of the old me. Clad in a business trench coat, hair styled and with focus in mind, I feel the NYC feel again. Life has changed me and you know what, it has for the better. I have learned and I have grown and today, while I may have reacquainted with my old self and see yet again through his eyes, my mindset is in a far different place. I have aged and I am proud of the many facets that compose the person I am, the thoughts I have and who I will become. I accept and love the future, the present and the past me. Today, I am able to say hello to the old me past, now equipped with a far more mature mindset.

How about you? How do you feel of the old you? the new? Feel free to share any thoughts and have a wonderful evening.

Na Zdarova! (Russian for cheers/for your health)

A Beautiful Morning’s Thoughts and Reflections

Tags

Coffee, Growing, Learning, Life, Life Lessons, Love, Maturity, Moments, Reflections, Thoughts

Coffee ~ Hazelnut Skim Latte

Word ~ Immaculate

During this beautiful morning I find myself thinking, contemplating how life has brought me to where I stand today, well, in the next few moments I will rather be sitting, traveling at a good 60+mph. Legs straddling the jittering frame of a neon green motorcycle, life but smears of light shooting by.

I keep thinking, reflecting on all the moments simultaneously popping into my head. I miss my mom, I miss my family, I haven’t seen them in such a long time. I peer forward and I imagine the many bumps and bruises scattered all over the concrete like fissures after a quake and I reflect on all the hardships I’ve overcome thus far. They are as numerous as these concrete blemishes before me. Each one pronounced, but each one with an established end, and thus I look back onto my life. All the “bruises” I’ve thus far acquired must sometime heal, right? Why drag out the pain for so long if it is but merely myopic and one sided. Don’t the colliqualites attest to life being far too short to hold grudges? I feel as though many confuse forgiving with forgetting and honestly, personally, I’ve had a rough time with this one as well.

Looking back to my early years, I remember the the moment when my biological father had effortlessly disowned me. I imagine he did so to be efficient and quick because it was done not only hastily, but also over the phone. This one event ignited a string of dark moments in my life and I was upset for many years as any child would naturally be. I just couldn’t understand why, maybe I was young, maybe naive, angry mixed with sad? Day in and day out I was consumed with these emotions and eventually, I successfully tricked myself into entering the realm of hate. Today, however, I’ve learned that “to hate” is wrong.

Hate in itself is simply self damaging and worthless. In total honesty it goes no where except stay inside the confines of your body and fester. After all I realized my life had a lot more to it for my mind to focus on; hate is just inefficient to the body, mind and soul. Growing up, my mother always told me, stand tall and strong through the night and you will surely pass the storm by morning’s light. Of course in Russian, the saying sounds far more motivating but the message still holds strong. Though my anger brewed a grotesque storm of negativity within me, I finally, learned to forgive but that did not mean forget. I will always remember the wrong done by my once idolized father, but I’ve learned to forgive and move on. Rather then blindly become infuriated, nostrils engorged with boiling steam, I rather learned from him and when it will be time for me to ensue fatherhood, I will be a different dad. Moving back from my lengthy tangent, what i feel is most important to acquire from this all is that all the bad done to you throughout life, the scars left, the bruises imposed, sometimes ironically, evoke good if you learn to learn from them. Essentially, reflect on the blemishes and scrapes you still keep from fully healing, learn from them and then allow them to heal and move on. Define an end and leave them behind. I always remind myself that while my life’s journey along its vast, twisted road may have half a million cracks, tares and even potholes, it will still get me to success, no matter which way you define it. Remember friends, as I now remind myself too, that cup of yours may have a small crack, a smug or even a tiny scratch, but in the end, the coffee isn’t at all affected and doesn’t it still taste just as amazing?

Experience, Live, Learn, Grow and Move On,

Enjoy your coffee and your day,

καλημέρα (Good Morning in Greek)

  

Some Coffee with your Thoughts?

Tags

Decisions, Learning, Life, Poetry, Reflection, Thoughts

Coffee ~ Caffe Latte w/ add shot

Word ~ Mirage

 

Today I find myself reflecting on the many choices life puts in front of us. There are many moments in life where you are encountered head on by a scale. A scale, teetering back and forth, forcing you to decide whether one thing is better than the other. The quintessential struggle falls between which to follow? Your heart or your mind. I believe that sometimes you should throw risk into the equation as well. Life is an unclear progression along a road dusted with layers of tricks, twists and turns. Take a risk, mix in a spark of chance and with a gram of moxy you will surely gain a new perspective and probably a truly interesting outcome. Give yourself a challenge, next time you find yourself teetering make a choice and then immediately choose the other. i can tell you for sure, as can my family and all of my friends that success is in fact garnered from the risks you push yourself to take as opposed to the safety nets you set. So today, take a risk, skip the sweets and enjoy this note with your delicious cup of coffee.

 

Safety First?

We as humans seem to always seek for a net even before considering jumping

We are constantly planning, constantly deliberating a more beaten course for a better, more tamed future

It is rare to see a man venture into the grey before him absent a battle strategy

Is it out of his self-contrived fear or out of a lack of an imagination-driven gut?

To embrace what mysterious manifestations there are in front of us, we must first cut loose from all that is restricting from behind us

It is always interesting, however not always good, to take a gamble and jump into an ocean sparkled in obscurity

The beauty of course is not in what you gain or lose in the end but how it is you grew in response to it

After all, we must certainly evolve somehow to further our transcendental existence

I say, if we can only make but a temporary trace on time itself

If we can only make but a temporary footprint on the beach before it is washed away

Then why not make the trace more extravagantly impactful and the footprint that much deeper

I say, why not take a gamble, why not take a risk

And but of course, I’m not saying it has to be uncalculated.

 

~ With that food for thought I wish you a pleasant day,

Cheers